The Difficulty of the Return

By Gene Ritchhart, from this website

Today marks six months since we've been back in the USA after seven years overseas.  We were told when we left in 2007 that it would be harder coming home.  That's proven true, and I can't say we're re-adjusted yet.  We've gone through the initial stages- reuniting with friends and family, finding a home, and getting acclimated to a new job- but we're still not settled.  Since those initial emotions have now worn off, I find it noteworthy that six months in, I find myself enjoying (or missing) the following:

What we enjoy

1. Family & Friends
This was the primary reason we returned, and there have been no regrets here.  We missed several significant milestones in our families while overseas- weddings, births, deaths, etc.- and we're so happy to be back in a place where we can experience the good (and the bad) together.  We're also delighted to reunite with 'old' friends.

2. Space
Though we got used to the European lifestyle of tightly-spaced houses, parking, and storefronts, we've really enjoyed the space here in America.  We have our own yard, and it's wonderful to run around outside without having to go to a park.  We enjoy wide parking spaces, huge stores, and other features indicative of a nation that really has more space than we know what to do with.  It has its downsides, too, but it is a nice change.

3. Sun
I now find rainy and/or cloudy days atypical, and expect sun 90% of the time.  It's easy to get used to that.  In fact, we've been noticeably healthier since we've been home- a fact I attribute largely to the weather.

4. Convenience
The 'short' opening hours of European stores are now a distant memory.  We can now take care of most anything during a much wider range of hours, which is nice.  As an aside, I've also re-learned that it's okay to wear absolutely anything to some of these stores (especially Walmart).

5. Familiarity
It's nice to be in a place where you understand the culture.  In Europe, we got used to being clueless and requiring explanation for many probably-mundane things we witnessed.  You could assume nothing, and had to learn 'how do they do it here?' for even small matters (like how much to tip at restaurants).  Here, we're back where we know (largely) what's going on and why.

What we miss

1. 'Walkable' Towns
Interestingly, this is the number one thing we miss.  Having individual space is nice, certainly (as I state above), but that comes at the cost of a community where we can walk anywhere.  And we really miss being able to walk everywhere- even the children have asked 'can't we walk?' when we tell them we're going out.  America just wasn't built to be 'walkable'- we have space and use it- and only in cities can walkability reasonably be expected.

2. Expat Communities
When overseas, Americans experience the unfamiliar together, and as a result band together and form some good communities.  We help each other and hang out with each other- we're a family away from home.  We miss our friends from overseas, and we miss communities of geographic proximity in general.  In the States, we're finding that everyone has their own community, often based on work, common interests, or family, and 'breaking in' to one has proven difficult- people are already busy, and not necessarily looking out for new folks.  Many more moms work here, meaning it's harder for my wife to arrange play-dates for our children than it was overseas.  I found it telling that, when we hosted a neighborhood block party to get to know the neighbors, about half of them didn't know each other- and they've been neighbors for decades.  Here, our closest friends may be 20 miles away, while we may never speak to those next to us.

3. Castles
You could term this tourism in general, but America has her own share of things to see.  What I mean here is specifically Medieval-type things- Ancient ruins, Victorian cities . . . we really miss the 'oldness' of Europe.  My daughter broke my heart the other day asking if we could visit a castle . . . America is just so young.

4. Pace of Life
The DC corridor is not the most laid-back place in the States, and we really miss the tranquility of the Yorkshire Dales and (before that) the Rhein river valley.  People here are rushed, and that creates an atmosphere of tension and anger that we really don't enjoy.

5. Access to the Foreign
America is so big.  So big.  As we look at things to do in our area and beyond, we're struck by the fact that a few-hour drive will now get us only to adjacent states, where it used to get us a country or more away.  This, again, is just the reality of how big America is.  We got really used to 'foreign' things- new sites and people with different backgrounds/perspectives- and we really miss that.  In fact, as we talk to people here, I find myself drawn to those who look & talk differently from us- who obviously aren't from around here.  I miss that element of life overseas- having different cultures present on the same street.  One good thing about being in the DC corridor is the number of immigrants in the area- so there are places to find this here- it just will take deliberate effort on our part.

Conclusion

The transition home has gone about as I expected it- enjoying some elements while missing parts of our past.  We'll get there, in time.  No place is perfect, and it's foolish to look at only the good stuff of our time overseas.  It was fun, certainly, but had its own share of challenges.  With time and the right attitude, we'll fit in here, too.