Sex, Romance, and the Glory of God (C.J. Mahaney)

Since the dawn of time, the (non-procreative) purpose of and approach to sex has been much distorted.  The two extremes are prudes- those who believe sex is mostly bad- and perverts- those who practice sex outside the bonds of marriage and/or for selfish reasons.  C.J. Mahaney sets the record straight on what sex is and should be in Sex, Romance, and the Glory of God.

Mahaney starts with a conversation on marriage in general.  "Marriage between a man and a woman is meant to reflect the relationship between Christ and the Church."  This concept is straight out of the Bible.  Because of this, for the Christian

. . . your primary role is not to raise your children (or to excel in your career or immerse yourself in hobbies or anything else) but to build a marriage by God's grace that reflects the relationship between Christ and the Church.

Your wife should be the most important person to you, and "the most important thing [you can] do is to be a godly husband to [your] wife."  Contrast this with how most of us approach our relationships, where spouses are put on the back-burner and children, careers, or hobbies take the center stage.

So how does sex play into this?  Sex within marriage is the most intimate, personal, vulnerable, and pleasurable act.  But it's not just a physical act.  Mahaney's main point, oft repeated throughout this 122-page volume, is this:

In order for romance to deepen, you must touch the heart and mind of your wife before you touch her body.

In other words, a good sexual relationship isn't established in the bedroom.  It's built throughout the course of your relationship, in every angle and activity.  To touch your wife's heart and mind, Mahaney recommends several things, summarized in the following paragraph.

You should learn about your wife (by observation and asking questions) and plan/prepare ways to get to know her better.  Do things like have regular date nights, make daily phone calls, leave frequent notes, give occasional gifts (even small things, like a favorite candy), write/sing/play music for her (if you're so inclined), plan getaways, and surprise her.  Learn the 'language of romance' and compliment her in unique and heartfelt ways.  In a nutshell, love your wife by focusing on her, being passionate about her, and put her needs/wants before your own.

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This book is a good, fast read.  It's more about the husband/wife relationship than sex per se, so the title can be a bit deceiving.  I'm not sure I learned anything new, having read much of this in other Christian books on relationships, but it's always good to hear a good message again.  I (for one) need the reminder, as my tendency, left unchecked, is to focus on me first.

Rating: B