1-2-3 Magic (Thomas Phelan)

According to author Thomas Phelan, "1-2-3 magic is a simple, precise and effective way of managing- gently and firmly- the behavior of children in approximately the two-to-twelve-year-old range."  His basic parenting philosophy: "effective parents have two important qualities.  They are:
1. Warm and friendly on the one hand [I'll love you and take care of you]
2. Demanding and firm on the other" [I expect something from you]

Parents use these qualities for their three parenting jobs:

1. controlling obnoxious behavior
2. encouraging good behavior
3. strengthening your relationship with your children

Everyone has problems disciplining their children.  Phelan argues that this is because many parents have the "little adult assumption" towards their kids- expecting them to be able to understand and reason like adults.  You can tell a parent has this assumption when during discipline they do too much talking [trying to reason with the kids] and display too much emotion [often yelling when the kids don't listen].

The solution?  1-2-3 magic.  When a child is acting up for any reason, rather than explain the wrong, simply say "that's 1."  If they keep it up, "that's 2."  If it continues, "that's 3" and put them in timeout (for as many minutes as their age, or longer if the offense warrants it).  Don't demand an apology, don't explain or rationalize, don't yell.

I don't know how effective this is.  Phelan argues that half of kids will catch on right away and become wonderfully behaved super-children capable of impressive feats and more.  The other half, he says, will fight at first but eventually catch on.  I'll try it this week . . . but I'm doubtful.

Gotta run- kids are acting up.

Rating: B