The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness (Timothy Keller)

In this booklet (just 46 pages), noted pastor Tim Keller walks through 1 Corinthians 3:21-4:7, a passage that "gives us an approach to self-regard, an approach to the self and a way of seeing ourselves that is absolutely different from both traditional and modern/postmodern contemporary cultures." A summary follows.

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In this passage, Paul shows us three things:

1. "The natural condition of the human ego."
2. "The transformed sense of self."
3. "How to get that transformed sense of self."

The natural condition of the human ego

The human ego's natural condition "is empty, painful, busy, and fragile." 

It is empty: puffed up, over-inflated, but with "nothing at its centre." It is "built on something besides God" and, as a result, will never satisfy.

It is painful: "ego often hurts . . . because it has something incredibly wrong with it." "It is always drawing attention to itself." In our physical bodies, we tend to pay attention to a part only if it hurts. I don't think about my toes unless there is something wrong with them. The ego is the same way; thinking about ourselves constantly indicates something is wrong.

It is busy: "always drawing attention to itself . . . doing two things in particular—comparing and boasting." The way "the normal human ego tries to fill its emptiness and deal with its discomfort is by comparing itself to other people. All the time." All such comparisons are simply forms of boasting. But it always falls short.

It is fragile: Comparing/boasting doesn't work. "A superiority complex and an inferiority complex are basically the same. They are both the result of being overinflated." And we have all experienced the results in ourselves and seen it in others: we have fragile egos, because we know we don't measure up on our own.

The transformed sense of self

"Paul's self-worth, his self-regard, his identity is not tied in any way" to others' evaluation of him . . . or his evaluation of himself. "It is as if he says, 'I don't care what you think—but I don't care what I think. I have a very low opinion of your opinion of me—but I have a very low opinion of my opinion of me.'"

Paul "knows that trying to find self-esteem by living up to a certain set of standards is a trap." A man of incredible achievement, he also called himself the chief of sinners (1 Timothy 1:15). In other words, he was saying "I am the worst." But he connects neither his achievements nor his sins with himself or his identity. He neither congratulates nor condemns himself. Neither success nor failure will "stop him from doing the things that he is called to do." He knew that both pride and low self-esteem "are horrible nuisances to our own future and to everyone around us."

Paul shows gospel-humility, which "means I stop connecting every experience, every conversation, with myself. In fact, I stop thinking about myself." "Because the essence of gospel-humility is not thinking more of myself or thinking less of myself, it is thinking of myself less." Neither self-hating nor self-loving: self-forgetful. That means (among other things) that we can accept compliments without getting puffed up, and accept criticism without being devastated. And it means that we "can start to enjoy things that are not about me . . . I can actually enjoy things for what they are."

How to get that transformed sense of self

How did Paul get there? How do we? The gospel. "In Christianity, the verdict leads to the performance." We live not to earn acceptance or respect, but because we have been granted acceptance already. "In Christianity, the moment we believe, God imputes Christ's perfect performance to us as if it were our own, and adopts us into His family." "Because He loves me and He accepts me, I do not have to do things just to build up my résumé. I do not have to do things to make me look good. I can do things for the joy of doing them. I can help people to help people—not so I can feel better about myself."

"Like Paul, we can say, 'I don't care what you think. I don't even care what I think. I only care about what the Lord thinks.' And he has said, 'Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,' [Romans 8:1] and 'You are my beloved child in whom I am well pleased.' [see Mark 1:11] Live out of that."

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This is a great little booklet. "It's not about you" and "I am loved" are two phrases I have to repeat to myself daily. This book talks about why. Too often, I base my self-esteem on my performance, meaning I either feel falsely good (when I have a good day) or falsely bad (when I don't). The days I manage to be self-forgetful are my most peaceful, satisfying, and delightful times. Getting/staying there is hard, but books like this help remind me of its importance and the futility of seeking meaning through other ways. Highly recommended.

Rating: A