A Maryland Rant

To the residents, government, and nature of the state of Maryland,

Greetings.  I lived in your state on and off for several years (2000-2003), and full time for several more (2003-2007).  Since 2007, I've lived overseas, and return to "MD" about once a year.  As a result of this construct, I get annual snapshots of your state, and have noted, with considerable alarm, some changes in recent years that bear discussion.  So, with nothing but genuine concern for your welfare, I present the following topics for your consideration.

1) Population Growth

The housing boom that started over a decade ago has yet to abate; indeed, housing developments, apartment complexes, and shopping centers are continuing to spring up at a staggering rate.  A general observation: it isn't necessary to plan to house the entire population of the United States within your borders.  There are 49 other states; think of them for a change.  And, if nothing else, think of the trees, and the poor Loraxes of the area . . . who look on, powerless, as you attempt to make the entire state into one big Suburbia, and force innocent people to pay $500K for a reasonably-sized home within a 60-minute drive of their place of employment*.

Also, I see you put a casino in Arundel Mills mall.  What's the intent?  To attract people of integrity?  I can see the upstanding citizens of the area flocking now to waste their hard-earned money in turbulent fiscal times within your doors.  In a time where everyone spends too much and saves too little, building such an establishment seems like a really good idea.**

Perhaps I'm being too critical.  You've made several attempts at  curbing this population growth- a high murder rate (especially in Baltimore, which held the top spot in America for a few years in this category), and attempting to kill off residents by serving 5,000 calories meals at all local restaurants.  Still, I can't help but think there are more productive ways to deal with the issue.

2) Drivers

Here is some food for thought, MD drivers:
- The exit-only lane is for those planning to exit the highway; it is NOT a passing lane for those intending to stay on the road.  Perhaps you should learn acceptable lane changing methods in Germany, where passing on the right is grounds for execution.
- A turn signal should be used to indicate, well in advance, an intent to change lanes or perform a turn onto what most would agree is another road; apparently, most in your state feel its use is prohibited, save only to advertise an extremely ill-advised driving maneuver- like, say, changing 5 lanes at 70mph in 30 yards to make that exit you had miles to prepare for, or suddenly swerving off the road onto a patch of grass, where you jump out and start shouting at your girlfriend about something that clearly can't wait until you reach, say, a parking lot.
- the horn and/or middle finger are not the sole methods of communication on the roadways.
- it's not necessary to slam on your brakes at the first sign of rain- a safe and reasonable speed can be enjoyed in mildly inclement weather.
- you really, really need to learn how to drive in a roundabout, or traffic circle.  In the one outside my hotel, I saw no fewer than 4 instances of Americans driving the wrong way on the thing.  Please, in this Internet age, use youtube or some other mechanism to learn about how roundabouts work.

Other Categories

As I thought about it, I realized that there really are no other categories.  Most people in MD spend their lives on the roads, cursing about the insane cost of living and endless population growth.  I shouldn't complain, though; you do have a lot of Chipotle restaurants here. 

Sincerely,
The Right Honorable John Mark McLean, Esq.

*if they leave at 4am
**sarcasm