A friend in need

"A friend in need is a friend indeed." Most of us know this saying; I never really thought about it until now. A curious expression, when you think about it, because often the opposite happens: we hide our needs from friends (and everyone), or we run from those who are needy. This has me thinking: what does it mean to be a friend? What does friendship look like?

The Bible talks a lot about friendship, looking at both the blessing it can be and also the reality of how our fallen state can affect such relationships. I'll start with the latter.

How Sin Affects Friendship

Job talks a lot about how his friends deserted him during this trials, and Proverbs talks about how people can be drawn to the rich as friends and ignore the poor. These are both pictures of what can happen because of our sinfulness, but are not upheld as being right. 

Job (and Psalms) talk about how people can react when we fall on hard times:

My relatives have failed me, my close friends have forgotten me. (Job 19:14)
All my intimate friends abhor me, and those whom I loved have turned against me. (Job 19:19)

My friends and companions stand aloof from my plague, and my nearest kin stand far off. (Psalm 38:11)

Proverbs talks about wealth and friendship:

Wealth brings many new friends, but a poor man is deserted by his friend. (Proverbs 19:4)

The poor is disliked even by his neighbor, but the rich has many friends. (Proverbs 14:20)

All a poor man's brothers hate him; how much more do his friends go far from him! He pursues them with words, but does not have them. (Proverbs 19:7)

In both cases, the selfishness of man is revealed. We tend to be drawn to the successful and prosperous, and want to hang out with people from whom we can get something: some social or material benefit through our association. And yet, this is not how it should be, and such things do not profit or satisfy. Look at celebrities, who can be flush with cash and surrounded by 'friends' yet miserable—such people must wonder "are these people here because they love me, or because they love my wealth and status?" 

Things are not the way they are supposed to be, and the Bible recognizes this. It also shows the right way; true friendship is a great blessing.

True Friendship and its Blessings

Looking across the Scriptures, I would characterize friends as those who do three things: bear burdens, rejoice together, and challenge each other.

Bear burdens (help each other): 

Friends help each other, in good times and bad. "Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." (Galatians 6:2) There is a self-sacrificial component to this: "Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends." (John 15:13) And it is regardless of circumstances: "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity." (Proverbs 17:17)

Helping each other entails meeting both physical and spiritual needs. In Acts, we read that Paul was reliant upon friends for his physical needs: "The next day we put in at Sidon. And Julius treated Paul kindly and gave him leave to go to his friends and be cared for." (Acts 27:3)

Friends can help us when we fall (either physically or spiritually). "Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken." (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12) This includes confessing sin to each other (see James 5:16).

Rejoice together:

Friends share joys, too. See Luke 15:3-10; friends celebrate good things that happen to each other:

So he told them this parable: “What man of you, having a hundred sheep, if he has lost one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the open country, and go after the one that is lost, until he finds it? And when he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing. And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and his neighbors, saying to them, ‘Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep that was lost.’ Just so, I tell you, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance. “Or what woman, having ten silver coins, if she loses one coin, does not light a lamp and sweep the house and seek diligently until she finds it? And when she has found it, she calls together her friends and neighbors, saying, ‘Rejoice with me, for I have found the coin that I had lost.’ Just so, I tell you, there is joy before the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”

Challenge each other:

This is where modern friendships (in America, anyway) can be glaringly deficient. Too often, we want to support our friends by agreeing with them, even when they may be on a dangerous path. We all need to be rebuked sometimes, and a true friend is one who does that. Consider these verses:

Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another. (Proverbs 27:17)

Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy. (Proverbs 27:6)

Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel. (Proverbs 27:9)

We should not (necessarily) go to friends for affirmation of all we are feeling, but for honest counsel and rebuke where needed. 

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How do your friendships rank on these matters? It is interesting to me that most of our friendships are those who are in the same life stage and have similar hobbies or interests: we are going through the same things and like the same things. These are not bad things, but the Bible doesn't speak to those. It discusses the above three categories, all of which imply 1) physical proximity and 2) spending time together. So you can be friends with someone who is much older or younger, and you may or may not have the same interests. 

Take stock of your life. Do you have people in it that bear your burdens, share your joys, and counsel you? Do you do these things for others? What can you do to be a true friend?