Criticizing those above us- be it parents, bosses, or politicians- is a common activity. If someone's in a position of power, we're full of opinions about how he or she should run things. We're quick to judge and slow to empathize- we've all done it.
One year ago today, I became a manager after fourteen years as an engineer. I came in ready to take charge and be a good leader. I had read many books, seen many examples, and believed I knew what it took. I'd show 'em- this was going to be easy.
As you can probably guess, it hasn't worked out quite that way. As the saying goes, if you want to develop empathy, walk a mile in someone else's shoes. My first year in leadership has had its share of ups and downs, of joys and trials. Today's post reflects on elements of being in charge that I've found difficult or surprising. If you aspire to lead and/or believe your current manager is a buffoon, perhaps the below will provide a sobering perspective.
Leadership is . . .
1. A different perspective
As an engineer, it was my job to know my specific area well. As a leader, I'm now required to know many areas at a high level. That breadth of awareness inherently changes perspective. As a result, many of my previously-held beliefs (on how to approach corporate strategy, personnel decisions, or program management) have gone out the window. Actions that made sense and worked well for my specific area may make little or no sense across the board. My view has changed, and my actions and beliefs have had to change right along with it to be an effective leader.
I wish I understood that when I was at the working level, just like I wish my employees knew that now. More than a few of their concerns have come down to not having the same broad view- they see only their area, and disregard those around them.
2. A lonely endeavor
"To bear a ring of power is to be alone." - Fellowship of the Ring
I'm a low-level leader, but I still have a degree of power, and power always alienates. I don't throw my weight around, but that's irrelevant- because I hold power, there is an inherent difference between my employees and me. I am management- I'm "one of them." Contrast this to prior working-level positions, where I would laugh or curse together with my colleagues about our jobs or life in general. Now, I spend most of my time interacting with people whom I cannot befriend. I like them- I want to befriend them- but the nature of the working relationship deems that unwise. This is my biggest sadness in leadership.
3. Elusive to gauge
As an engineer, my enjoyment of work was often directly derived from the value I felt I provided. And, in most cases, it was easy to quantify what that value was. I produced X widgets, fixed Y gadgets, or developed Z concepts that improved our operations and satisfied our customers. I slept easy at night, knowing I was earning my pay and making life better.
As a leader, I'm finding that my value is much more difficult to quantify. My employees are all skilled- when I'm out for the day, they don't sit there listlessly, with vacant expressions in their eyes, awaiting my return. They get along just fine without me. I don't know if my actions inspire, encourage, or assist them. There are some times when my value is shown, but mostly I have no idea if I'm helping them or not. I've spoken to several senior executives about this, and their answers were the same- and the higher up you go, the harder it gets to determine value. Ouch.
4. A messy affair
"Some men aren't looking for anything logical, like money. They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned, or negotiated with." - The Dark Knight
When I was an engineer, I worked with things that operated in accordance with strict, unchanging laws. If the gadget was broken, there was a reason why, and systematic study would reveal the cause (and point to the fix).
As a leader, my job is people. People, rather obviously, are not machines. No two work the same way; motivations, actions, and reactions are intensely different from person to person (or even in the same person depending on the day). There is no formula- what motivates Dave will hinder Suzy; What helps Pam might hurt Samuel. Each person is unique, and must be treated as such. With dozens of employees, it's hard to know how to best help/motivate each individual except through observation and a lot of trial and error. One person will love my approach, and another will despise it. Leadership, it turns out, is a rather messy affair.
5. A humbling challenge
Everyone makes mistakes. As an engineer, though, my mistakes were often with systems- I entered a wrong command, forgot a cable, or drew a schematic incorrectly. The system didn't care or judge me for it. In addition, my mishaps were often in private (or with a small group of people)- and I could fix them with minimal embarrassment.
Now, my job is people, and that means my mistakes are with people. Since people are complicated and react differently (see previous point), that means I mess up a lot more now, and often my mistakes are rather public. They can also be harder to fix (especially if I unknowingly alienated or hurt someone); It's easier to repair a bridge than a psyche.
6. An exercise in reliance
I used to be the guy who had the info and did great things. I was responsible for knowing the technology, doing the job well, and explaining it. Now, I'm the guy who needs the info and watches good things; I am utterly reliant upon my people. Their accomplishments and knowledge are what will win the day- not mine. I thought I could fight this, but I was wrong. When I became a manager, I vowed to learn each technical area as well as I knew my own. I was going to do it all. It's an impossible endeavor, of course, as I've since found- there are too many things to know in too much detail. I was like an orchestra conductor trying to learn every instrument at an expert level, rather than focusing on the music at large and directing the ensemble. Leadership is an exercise in reliance; I must rely on my people. It's no longer about me, and it's very hard to 'let go' of personal accomplishment.
7. A worthy occupation
If you've read thus far, you may think I'm not enjoying leadership, or that I regret my decision to become a manager. Not so! Yes, the above realities are difficult . . . but every job has its ups and downs. In the end, what I like about leadership is the ability to help others. To provide clear vision, direction, and delineation of responsibility; to handle conflicts and mentor; to foster environments of open communication and respect; to be an examples; these are worthy endeavors. My team is excellent, and makes every day fun; it is I who am the problem. For, in the end, leadership is about dying to self, and lifting up those around you regardless of personal cost. Every fiber of my being fights such self-sacrifice, which is why the above challenges bother me so, but to live- or lead- one must first die.
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