Saying Goodbye

Death is both inescapable and devastating.  It shouldn't surprise any of us, yet even an expected passing leaves those who remain staggering.  Ultimately, it points us to an important truth- that things are not the way they are supposed to be- that the created order has been horribly distorted.  But on to today's post: how to live with what time we have.

A few weeks ago, we said goodbye to my wife's grandmother.  At 91 and in failing health, her passing was expected and even a blessing (she was in much pain).  Still, it's difficult for those who remain, and one reason why was how she lived.

There are many qualities that define a person- hobbies, talents, personality, vocation, appearance, and intelligence among them.  But the one quality that ultimately defines so much of our behavior is whether we're focused on others or ourselves.  And "g-mom" focused on others.  She managed her resources well, making life better for her family through her generosity.  She accepted each new stage of life with grace and a good attitude.  I knew her only in the latter stages; it's not easy moving to a retirement home, giving up the car, and dealing with diminishing independence and increasing frailty. Many handle these things poorly, making life difficult for everyone around them- yet she never did.  She didn't bemoan her station, complain, or become self-absorbed. 'Self' was rarely on her mind.  She lived responsibly and served those around her.  As her abilities diminished, she kept doing what she could for other people.  Same great attitude, same focus on others.  She was a joy to be around for this reason, and a great example to all.

Two years ago, another family member passed.  Unfortunately, his case was the opposite.  Self-absorbed in his retirement years, he increasingly isolated himself until he declined seeing even his immediate family in his final hours.  Ultimately, we lost him years before he actually passed, and he missed an opportunity to use his last season of life to serve.  In so doing he hurt himself and others.

As I reflect on these things, the ultimate lesson is "serve others."  It's not about me- even in retirement!!- and may I remember the words of the Lord:

But Jesus called them to him and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave, even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” - Matthew 20:25-28

Thanks for serving others, g-mom.  May we do the same.