Cresting the Hill

image from here

Teach us to number our days, that we may get a heart of wisdom (Psalm 90:12)

The first month in my forties has not gone as expected.  A pandemic, crashing economies, disrupted lives, social distancing and little prospect of improvement on the horizon.  Times of trial and change are a good time to reflect; here's what I've learned through 40 years, which is (on average) half-way through this life (though there's certainly no guarantee).

1) The hardest lesson

It's not about me.  I'm continually learning this one . . . and continually failing at it.  When you look a how we react to things in life, our first thought is about self.  "How does COVID-19 affect me?" is the current question.  I'm sad because we had to cancel visits and vacations, the weeks to come are uncertain, and I miss being with people. See where my heart is?  Entirely on me and how this situation affects me.  Not on the thousands who are ill, the medical workers scrambling, the people out of jobs (or those working double time).

Our focus on self is, unfortunately, the default. In 'normal' times, we strive to accumulate: possessions, status, experiences, power, popularity, you name it.  Behind it all is this unspoken focus on self.  It's all about me.  Me me me me me.  But it's not.

Jesus sums up the law in Matthew 22:35-40:

And one of them, a lawyer, asked him a question to test him. “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.”

Love God with all you have.  Love others as yourself.  When Adam and Eve sinned, they broke fellowship with God and became evil.  We, as their descendants, are the same. But evil isn't doing the worst things we can do- instead, it is breaking God's law.  And God's law is summed up as loving God first and others as yourself.  We fail to do that every single day.  We love ourselves first and God and others maybe (or not at all).  We'll love if it's convenient, when we feel like it, or if it makes us feel good. Even when we obey God, it can be for wrong reasons, thinking to gain leverage over him through our conduct. Yes, all of our sins come down to this idea that somehow, it's about me.  That I'm in charge, and I can do as I want.  But the Lord is in charge, and it's not about me.  It remains a difficult lesson.

2) The greatest truth

Jesus loves me. Our sin and focus on self shows that we don't want God.  We want his blessing, his stuff, his approval, but not a relationship with him.  God knows we don't want him or seek him (see Romans 3). Yet- and this is miraculous- He wants us.

John 3:16: 

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.  

God is perfect, so he could not overlook or ignore our sin.  We, on our own, could never be without sin- and the wages of sin is death. But God wanted to be with us so much he gave his Son in our place; Jesus died to pay the penalty for our sins.  He died our death for us, so we could live with him.  While we were still enemies, he endured the cross 'for the joy set before him'- being with us.  Those who have faith in God are saved, by God's grace alone.  We cannot grasp a love so deep.  

3) The joyful duty

Be a living sacrifice. In Romans 12, after eleven chapters summarizing the doctrine of the gospel beautifully, Paul tells us how to respond: be living sacrifices.  A confusing term, to be sure, but it means be continually pouring out yourself for God and others (remember the summary of the law from point 1).  He goes on in the chapter to explain how you do so: namely, by using the gifts you have been given to serve others.

We all have gifts, and as Spider-man would say, with great power comes great responsibility.  Our responsibility- our joyful duty- is not to do good so God saves us, it's the inverse: God has saved us, so we do good.  Those who believe in Jesus are saved.  And those who are saved will show it through their conduct.  "Be holy, for I am holy," says the Lord, and Jesus frequently says it this way: "repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand."  To repent means turn away (from evil) and do what God commands, which we know is to love God and others.  We do that when we use our gifts to help others: provide for our family, encourage our friends, strengthen our coworkers.  Protect the weak.  Feed the hungry.  Heal the sick.

It's not easy.  Though saved, we remain weak in our flesh, and our members war against our inner being.  The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. Hence, we fail- often- and we're commanded to forgive each other- often. We confess, we repent, and keep going. Thankfully, God equips and strengthens us to do this work.  He works in us, and without him we can do nothing.  So it's not a matter of working our way into his good graces, but resting and trusting in him as we use the gifts he has given us to serve him and others.

Concluding Thoughts

Whether I'm halfway through my life or near the end, like John Newton, I increasingly see the end of the matter:

"I'm a great sinner and Christ is a great Savior."

Those two truths explain everything in the world.  They're both fundamental, yet we all need to spend our lives reminding ourselves of them.  And note, the truths of life are not age- or situation-dependent.  Our condition, God's love, and our resulting responsibilities don't change.  Being 40 doesn't change it.  COVID-19 doesn't change it. The mandate to be a living sacrifice through using our gifts to serve others doesn't come with a proviso like "until you retire" or "unless you get sick."  It's a lifelong charge.

Now, how we use our gifts to serve others may change, because our gifts and situations will likely change.  My body at 40 cannot do what it did at 20. Physical/mental decay and infirmities may render us unable to perform what we once did, forcing us to help in new ways. COVID-19 may alter our lives for months (years?) to come, forcing many to adjust plans and change how they serve others.  Yet the overall mandate is clear, from Ecclesiastes 12:13:

The end of the matter; all has been heard. Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man.  

The responsibility remains unchanged, the challenge remains daunting, but our hope remains sure, for nothing can separate us from God's love.